Sleeping in. Snuggling on the couch watching Super Why. Morning trips to the park and Barnes & Nobles to play with trains. Lunchtime naps. This is the stuff my life has been made of for the past six years.
This morning as I was driving down the road in silence, all of a sudden it hit me that in six months, Jackson, my littlest will go off to pre-k and all of this will change forever. This season of life will have passed. These years in which life with my babies has been intimate and simple, for both of them will have changed into lunchboxes, bus stops, homework and living for weekends when we can all just be together.
Suddenly, during the exhausting years of infant and toddlerhood when it felt like they would never grow up and be independent of me, I wished I hadn’t wished time away so quickly. I wondered if I had given them everything their hearts needed during these early years where everything they were and knew came from me.
Had I loved them enough? Have I been neglecting to give them something they need that could only come from me?
When I realize how quickly life slips by it scares me. Mainly because I only get one shot and being a mother and I don’t want to screw it all up. I know I’ll ever be and do everything perfectly, but I desperately want my children to grow up as happy, strong, fulfilled, whole individuals.
I want them to be empty yet full, facing the world for the first time on their own one day with fresh empty slates, free of childhood baggage. But hearts that are filled to the brim full of truth, hope and love.
I want them to be whole.
Lord, this is my prayer.