There have been so many mornings past when I awoke feeling confident, as though I could take on the world. So strong, so sure.
More recently, I haven’t felt that way. I used to be so sure of so many things. There are much fewer things I feel sure of these days. But the faithfulness and love of God are just a few of the things that have convinced my heart all the more that of His goodness, I am sure.
Despite my confident, outgoing nature; dependent and fragile describe me best these days. I kind of chuckle thinking how I guess if Oprah knew me she would say this isn’t a good place I’m in. You know, since there’s greatness within each of us waiting to be released and all that kind of cool sounding stuff that makes us all want to stand up and cheer.
(Let me just say that outside of abiding in Christ, there is no greatness in us to be released anywhere. There is only self-destruction, sin and a life without peace.)
And yet through my own weakness, this powerful light inside is ever present. So tenderly, so faithfully burning. Compelling me to allow myself to be made strong in Him through my weakness.
This morning it occurred to me that what is happening inside of me, is exactly how it’s supposed to be. Once we realize who we are, who were have the potential to be apart from Christ and we allow Him to show us ourselves, laid bare -when we come face to face with who we are apart from Him, our fleshly pride begins to get chipped away at piece by piece. Just as a carpenter or potter would strip off huge chunks standing in the way of the work of art becoming what it is intended to be.
It doesn’t necessarily have a thing to do with weakness, shame or not believing in ourselves – it has everything to do with understanding that times of frailness and vulnerability in our lives are times when we are most capable of recognizing our need for total dependence on the Father. Maybe even for change.
We cannot grow when we are already big in our own eyes, we only have room to grow when we become small.
Holy Spirit living and burning within us never leaves, He never abandons us in our weakness, in our “smallness”. His goodness and His faithfulness aren’t dependent on our own. How grateful I am for this, and for the assurance that it’s okay to not always feel like a giant of the faith, and to admit exactly where we are. And to rest in that He already knows us and is doing His work of perfection within us.
He loved me when I was fragile, though I thought that I was strong.
2 Corinthians 4:6,7 For God who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes in clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.