Over the past six months, through my own different struggles, what I have realized is that for a while, in the midst of all my doing and striving, I had stopped growing and becoming.
Before I had even realized it, it had happened – Somewhere along the way, in all of my business and just being caught up in doing life, I had stopped letting God be who He wants to be to me. Stopped believing that He is enough, that He is faithful, that He really does want intimate love with just me. Me?
Then the other morning I read this:
“You can believe in Jesus Christ as your Savior, make and heaven and miss hell, but never realize the power that God intended for you to know in this life. The power that is given to woman whose life is consumed by the love of God. The power that comes to the woman who believes.” ~ Angela Thomas
As I read those words, inside my heart cried out, “I want that!”
“Miserable. Fragile, Worthless. Unbelief leaves us empty, powerless and wondering. Unbelief leaves us living beneath the possibilities that God dreamed for our lives. Unbelief is like refusing to put our bags down. We have stepped into this relationship with God but continue to hold on to our bags and carry everything by ourselves.”
How my heart understood these words. I want to believe. As a matter of fact, I want more than just my mind to believe, I want my heart to be absolutely convinced. Instead, I’ve been dragging old junk behind me. Trying to be superwoman, pretending I could carry the weight of life alone.
It makes me wonder, how many of us do that? How much of our lives do we waste running, doing, being…. out of breath, tired, shameful, bruised ….putting on our game face and even over-achieving – pretending we’re fine. Knowing all along, we’re missing something. There has to be something more, a deeper kind of love and rest than any human or anything from this world can give us.
All along not seeing that there is more. And that more is patiently waiting, with arms outstretched towards us, asking us to throw off our heavy load on Him and just fall with abandon into His love. It’s time we believe that His love is enough to carry us, to cover us, to change us. Enough to sweep us off of our feet and let our hearts fall in love all over again…..or maybe even for the first time.
The answer to our every question, longing and desire is right in front of our face. Sometimes all we have to do is believe.
“I imagine myself stumbling into the presence of God will all my stuff, huffing and puffing to get everything unstrapped and untangled, finally putting it all down at His feet and then falling flat on my face on top of it all, saying to Him, Here is my load and here is me, Please carry me so I can learn how to believe.”