If there is one question born into the soul of a woman, I think it has to be, “Am I enough?” As long as I can remember it has been the silent question of my heart. And we look for it to be answered first by those we respect and look up to the most. Those that love us. But sometimes that doesn’t happen. Years go by and our girlhood turns into womanhood, and yet still – we are searching.
Unfortunate things happen, people we love reject us and people we admire unintentionally use words that hurt us, making small cuts that over time rip away at who we are tiny piece by piece. So many things that would have been better left unsaid or undone. And so a lifetime of seemingly insignificant spoken words of disapproval, sometimes even unspoken criticisms about who we are -or aren’t, make their own contribution to the little girls who wonder if they are or will ever be
Those are the questions that even as little girls, become forever engraved into the slate of who we are. And so begins the early, desperate search for someone to answer, “yes.”
I was one of those little girls.
And some days, that little girl doesn’t feel much past nine at all.
And she struggles to believe she will ever really become what she has always dreamed she would be…
Enough. In so many ways.
In the eyes of others, most importantly her own.
And maybe not.
But what I cannot deny, what I can’t figure out how to stuff away is my desire to be deeply known and understood, and loved simply for who exactly I am right now; in all of my imperfections. And for all of who I am, and what I have inside to offer
To be enough.
Somehow I just don’t believe that any one of us were ever meant to live with that desire unmet. Call me an idealist, but I just believe everyone deserves for someone to look them in the eyes and answer,
“Yes, you’re enough….. just the way you are.” And for us to believe it.
I desperately want to answer that question for my own little girl before she’s all grown up.