Never was I so grateful for a friend who loves me just as I am as I freely and bitterly spoke the words my heart felt, “Honestly, sometimes I just don’t feel like God is near to me or that He cares about what’s going on in my life at all. Sometimes I wonder if He even cares if I drown or not.”
Since I was a girl my head has known that God
is only good
near to the broken
concerned with every tiny detail of our lives
and one of the few that will never forsake or abandon us
…..no matter what. Period. Never.
Still yet there have been nights that someone needed to tell that to my heart because nothing in me believed that a single soul took note of the tears that flowed down to soak my pillow; convinced that the canyon of darkness and loneliness I found myself in was sure to win out over the light of freedom this time.
And then my mind wanders back to times when He was faithful and full of grace to me in a place in my life, and then another, and yet another…..
As hard as I try, I end up at the realization that past storms may have been violent, and dark and longer than I felt it should have been, yet still I realize that it isn’t possible to recall a time in which He abandoned me in one single dark place without hope.
There has never been a time past that He allowed the waves to take me all the way under and hold me there. There has never been a time in which He failed to come to my rescue.
And although I can recall without effort the numerous occasions in which I’ve wondered off and been less than faithful to Him, I always lack the ability to recall even one single time when He was unfaithful to me.
He has been faithful. Always. Every time.
And for the God who never wavers or changes, I’m guessing that this too will never change. I don’t always understand how He will pull it off, but in a world full of change and uncertainty I cling to the refuge I find in the truth that has been tried and found to be consistently true….
Not for a moment, did you forsake me.
Not for a moment, will He forsake you.